Perception

Perception (per⋅cep⋅tion)

/pərˈsɛpʃən/ Show Spelled Pronunciatio[per-sep-shuhn]

–noun

1.	the act or faculty of apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition; understanding.

2.	immediate or intuitive recognition or appreciation, as of moral, psychological, or aesthetic qualities; insight; intuition; discernment: an artist of rare perception.

3.	the result or product of perceiving, as distinguished from the act of perceiving; percept.

4.	Psychology. a single unified awareness derived from sensory processes while a stimulus is present.

It all comes down to how you see the world. Strength: define it. Beauty: prove it. Hell: explain it. Perfection: attain it. There is good and bad in every situation that one comes up against in life. I have to keep telling myself that or I risk losing my sanity. If I choose to concentrate on the negative- I lose. You can either let situations take hold, break, and define you or you can look for a way to grow from it. Even if it is only something as trivial as knowing better for the next time. Sometimes we just have to take a step back, and look, for the silver lining.

Put up your umbrella and dance in the rain...

:..dance in the rain..:

Sometimes it's too easy to lose sight of any good. It's too simple to get lost somewhere in hell and not be able to make it back out.
The past two years have been extremely frustrating. For various reasons. It becomes all too easy to stay pissed at God when things get out of control. After losing a friend to death, and then a lot of them due to circumstances, I learned to stand on my own.
I'm still lost, at least part of the time. I feel like i'm always trying to pick things back up. I would love nothing more than to just go back in time. Daily there is a constant battle being waged between staying upset and working to get better. I want to get better, I want to breathe easier. I want things to be as simple as they were before.

I miss:

• Youth group- This saved my sanity. Now I'm not sure how much further I have to go before I get to call myself insane.
• Weekends at the Grubbs- I spent the other day with Chelsea, let me tell you, I miss that family dearly. I just pray that they don't look at me any differently now after hearing about the "mess". I loved being the fourth Grubbs daughter. Waking up on Sunday mornings as part of the family...
• Emma Grace- My goodness, I miss this child! She never fails to bring a smile to my lips. She is becoming such a little lady. So grown up and becoming so beautiful.
• The guys- I really do miss them. They constantly made me laugh and cheered me up when I was down.
• The girls- At this point, thinking about this makes me cry. I wish I could fix everything but I'm not sure that I can. I can't take on all their problems when I'm trying to deal with mine. I love them dearly and I miss them terribly but I think I'm afraid to let them back in.
  
• Whitestone- I know I don't have nearly as many memories as the others have, but I just can't help being a little sentimental about that building.
• Fae- Rest in peace angel baby. All my love...
  

Wow, sleep is very much so necessary.

A picture is worth a thousand words...

crunk-lyts.com

Tutus and Tiaras

Remember when we were little girls? With twirling skirts, starry eyes, and the highest expectations in relationships. Our daddies were the strongest, best, coolest daddies ever, and mommy's kisses magically made everything better. Beautiful gowns with beaded bodices were created out of mom's old slip and grandma's lace curtains. Plastic gems on plastic jewelry became crown jewels and untold riches. Cardboard boxes have the power to transform into castles, limos, or woodland cottages.

How did we fall from this? Now, we fall over and over for guys that don't catch us until we are kneeling on the floor with dirty, bloody knees and a broken pride. We continually accept less than what we deserve. We settle for "just whatever" over and over again. How did we stumble from the fairy tale?

Stand up little girl, and dust yourself off.
Quit staring in the mirror and messing up perfection.
Wipe off the dirt,
Put on your tutu, tiara and plastic gems,
And finally live!

I was hoping that when the clock struck midnight on new years eve, everything would change. I hoped that when I finally dragged my tired lazy rear out of bed everything would be okay again, but unfortunately New years is just another night, and some people never change.
I've been beaten down, humiliated and stepped on.
I've been yelled at, betrayed and let down.
People that i have loved dearly have turned their backs when i needed them most, which breaks my heart. Friends seem to have always been there until you need them. And when i needed them most, they couldn't drag themselves away from their own problems to help with mine.
I've found that i have five people on which i can fully depend on. Five, i thought i had so much more.
Before you judge me and say that i am just another girl with her head shoved up her boyfriends butt, take a step back and ask yourself if you've been there for me thru all this? Have any one of you dropped anything to help me out?

:..I've spent the past two hours giving up on the past...:


I've spent the last two hours looking on PSC instead of cramming for finals. :)


i'm glad tho, I got a push of inspiration.

Things have been pretty sucky lately. It's been one thing after another for far too long.

Today is a new day.

I'm going to feel healthy again.

Wing to Wing and Oar to Oar

Two such as you with such a master speed,

cannot be parted nor be swept away,

from one another once you are agreed,

that life is only life forevermore,

together wing to wing and oar to oar.

Robert Frost

<3

I feel healthy when i'm with him. It feels like the sickness and disease of the world can't touch me when i'm in his arms. Nothing can touch me. Every time i'm losing it he makes me hold on just a little longer. My one little strand of sanity is safely kept in his hands.

Everything seems to be falling down around, but he's holding me up. In every breakdown, he has kissed away my tears.

I feel so comfortable with him, like i've known him forever. Almost like we grew up together, like best friends falling in love.

"I want to fall in love over current events and coffee.

I want to fall in love on a swingset at midnight.

I want to fall in love over cartoons on a sunday.

I want to fall in love over and over until my knees hurt from falling.

I want to fall in love on a first snow's walk.

I want to fall in love over teardrops and movies.

I want to fall in love with you over and over

because falling just once,

is too fast, too swift

not to relive again and again."

10, 9, 8, 7...

Without saying names...
Ten apologies to ten different people:
1. I'm sorry I didnt fight for you.I should've protected you
2.I'm sorry that I just don't care
3.i'm sorry that i can't be everything you deserve
4.i'm sorry i led you on
5.i'm sorry i dont believe as strongly as you do
6.i'm sorry i that i trusted you not to tell
7. i'm sorry for leaving you alone. i just couldnt stand it anymore
8.i'm sorry i get grouchy when i hurt
9. i'm sorry i am not as crazy as i used to. I guess i grew up
10. I'm sorry i didn't answer my phone

Nine confessions to nine different people:
1.I pretend like i care when you talk about him, i'd like nothing more than to tell you to remove your head from his a$$.
2.I understood how to do the work, i just wanted help!
3.I'm planning on marrying you :) so plan accordingly
4.Your car is my favorite place in the world, even tho it is a station wagon :)
5. I think sometimes you get a little over dramatic.
6. I hate when you work shift work, i hardly ever see you and it sucks.
7. I checked your messages when you weren't looking. You gave me good reason to.
8. I ate the last banana popsicle and blamed it on your kid.
9. Mom was right!

Eight things you wish you could say to eight different people:
1. F*ck you!
2. Thank you, you are the only one who was always there.
3. You are amazing and i absolutely love you to death
4. I envy you for being so calm when every thing is falling apart.
5. Who the hell do u think you are to tell me what i'd do in that situation?
6. Get your head out of your ass
7. You're kid is a brat!!!!
8. You are beautiful, quit spending all that time in the mirror messing up perfection

Seven random people you miss:i thought you said no names?
1. A.F.H
2.V.M.R
3. The older, happier you!
4. N.R.D
5. R.M.E
6. J.D.E
7. T.B.C

Six different people you would do anything for:
1. Tory James
2. Meine Mutti :)
3. Meine Schwester
4. Meinen Vati
5. Nicole
6. Emma Grace

Five things you hope to accomplish before you die:
1.Get married
2.Have lots of babies :)
3.Eat ice cream on every continent
4.Buy a house
5.Rocking chairs on a porch, 'nuff said

Four words to describe your life:
1.stressful
2.unpredictable
3.ridiculous
4.hopeful

Three things you wish you could hold on to forever:
1.Girl nights
2. Rides to youth group in the beast!
3. His hand :)

Two most important things in your life:
1. My girls
2.My boy :)

One thing you know you want but will never have:
perfect imperfection :D

16 Things..

So... It's time to play sixteen things. A list of sixteen (obviously), random, or obscure things about myself...

1) Screamo makes me happy. :)
2) I didn't think the movie Edward was as sexy as the book Edward. ;) (edward from twilight)
3) I very well may possibly be a bit of a pyro... (yay fire!)
4) I miss dance class no matter how hellish it could be!
5) Youth group with the girls not only saved my life but also my sanity.
6) There is nothing better than cruising in the van blasting boy bashing music just because none of us are quite ready to go home yet.
7) My best friend is my mom, sounds dorky but she's always there.
8) I would drop everything including my future job to start a family. But I'm too paranoid to get married young.
9) I would rather watch a disney cartoon over a "R" rated movie any day.
10) It annoys the crap out of me when girls say "I lovers you" or "I looooove yoooou soooooooooooo much" I guess multiple "o's" annoy me.
11) Baby talk drives me nuts unless it's directed toward a baby.
12) Going to school and leaving my cousin Emma was quite literally like leaving your own child at home and leaving for a long time.
13) I refuse to get old. But i'm totally okay with growing up.
14) I hardly ever find comedian's funny. People are always tons funnier when they're not trying.
15) Christmas makes me happy, no matter what.
16) And now for number 16, I am a book nerd. There i said it! Haha.

<3

TWLOHA Day

11.13.2008

Love is the Movement

Thursday...

Soooo... it is now 12:42 am and i am awake... new record! So, on thursday i'm going to see doctor number 9 i do believe. This would be the potential ninth doctor i have stumped. I was diagnosed with Reflex Neurovascular Dystrophy a few months ago but now have been undergoing tests to rule it out. So as of right now, no one knows what is wrong with me. It's definetly kind of frustrating living with a chronic pain disorder. I've dealt with it for the past 2 years, and i'm doing pretty good with it. I just wish someone would find out what the heck is wrong with me and fix it! Some people (even doctors) don't take me serious when i tell them about it. One doctor even said it was all in my head. How the heck can pain in my joints just be in my head? I guess if you don't "look sick" it's hard for people to accept that you are. I am so very thankful for my boyfriend. He's probably one of the only people i know that at least partially knows what it is like to have chronic pain.
Maybe...
Just Maybe...
We'll have an answer on thursday!
<3

Anberlin widget by 6L & Daxii

Screamo pwns Beyonce

It's the little victories in life that just rock. Like currently, my roommate is blasting Beyonce, and i am currently blasting Underoath. Haha, I win. Screamo > Beyonce. Can't express how much i hate living here. Hopefully, an apartment next year will be my residence, cause quite frankly? it sucks here.
College is definetly interesting, not sure how i fit in here.
I'm probably the most boring college student ever, but i'm okay with it.
I like to be in bed by midnight.
I don't party.
I don't drink.
I kind of wish i had more time to my self at school to meet new people b/c i spend almost all of my time with my boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, he's amazing, and i love spending time with him but sometimes you just need to hang out with someone you're not dating.
But then again, most of the people here are just plain interesting. Not in a good way either!
Welp, i'm out. peace!

Happiness Is :)

HAPPINESS IS FINDING A PENCIL.
PIZZA WITH SAUSAGE
TELLING THE TIME.
HAPPINESS IS LEARNING TO WHISTLE.
TYING YOUR SHOE FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.
HAPPINESS IS PLAYING THE DRUM IN YOUR OWN SCHOOL BAND.
AND HAPPINESS IS WALKING HAND IN HAND.
HAPPINESS IS TWO KINDS OF ICE CREAM.
KNOWING A SECRET.
CLIMBING A TREE.
HAPPINESS IS FIVE DIFFERENT CRAYONS.
CATCHING A FIREFLY.
SETTING HIM FREE.
HAPPINESS IS BEING ALONE EVERY NOW AND THEN.
AND HAPPINESS IS COMING HOME AGAIN.
HAPPINESS IS MORNING AND EVENING,DAY TIME AND NIGHT TIME TOO.
FOR HAPPINESS IS ANYONE AND ANYTHING AT ALLTHAT'S LOVED BY YOU.
HAPPINESS IS HAVING A SISTER.
SHARING A SANDWICH.
GETTING ALONG.
HAPPINESS IS SINGING TOGETHER WHEN DAY IS THROUGH,
AND HAPPINESS IS THOSE WHO SING WITH YOU.
HAPPINESS IS MORNING AND EVENING,DAYTIME AND NIGHTTIME TOO.
FOR HAPPINESS IS ANYONE AND ANYTHING AT ALLTHAT'S LOVED BY YOU.
~charliebrown~